The Unexpected--Nichole's Story

(Nichole)

I don't really know where to start,


Everyone that I have talked to post Haiti has told me that Haiti is like a drug--it stays in your heart forever. I have to say now after I have experienced Haiti for myself, that statement is very true! Since I've been home I think about it EVERY day... The people... Love... Compassion... Thoughtfulness... Pain... Sorrow... Heartaches...  All of it runs through me every day. I ran through every emotion possible while being in Haiti. Before going I tried to prepare myself for what I was going to see, feel, and live through. I thought I had, but I was wrong.....

I live in Stayton OR, a small farm town where you can't walk out of your house without seeing someone who knows your name.   With the small town comes a small hospital. I work as a clerk in the case management office (discharge planning and social services). Every morning I walk out of my warm house, get in my car and drive five to eight blocks to get to work. I interact with patients who have houses and cars, food and medicine--things we have easy, everyday access to in the states. I work only a half a day and get to enjoy the rest of my day with my kids without a worry of when we are going to get our next meal, drink clean water, or find a clean set of clothes or shoes that fit us.

Walking out of the Port-au-Prince airport a different reality slaps me right in the face. My eyes open, and my heart sinks into my chest. I will never forget the first Haitian face I seen outside the gate of the air port, a little boy--no more than eight years old-- who looks me in the face and says "Sister, please help. I'm so hungry... just a dollar please?" My boss Debbie, who was walking with me, whispers "You can't...just keep walking." So I turn my head with tears in my eyes and keep walking. Debbie explains later that everyone lined up at the fence are watching, they would have seen me give that little boy money, and I would have been the target for countless more requests for a hand out. The heartache starts just ten feet outside the airport door. I know then this is going to be harder than I thought.

Driving through Port-au-Prince on the way to the mission, I don't see anything I am used to in my town. Roads are without lines down the middle, potholes are everywhere,  I see no stop signs. People are without adequate clothes or shoes on their feet, some are dirty but yet still most of them wear smiles on their faces. I learn quickly that Haitian people, despite all they don't have, are all in all happy.  We don't have that at home. Always smiling, laughing, living life the best they know how, everyone I meet is so grateful and appreciates every little thing we do for them  or give them. They amaze me!

At the mission, I am no longer a clerk of a small town hospital. The first day I was a "runner" working out of the post op. I also learn how to clean operating instruments, part of the surgery tech/first assist job. I work my ass off that day doing whatever I can do to help. it pays off in my favor. That night Dr. Higgins, the surgeon on the trip, announces they need help with the first assist position. The next morning, he throws me right in there, and that is my home for the rest of the trip. I loved it! Between Dr. Higgins and Jonathan, the OR tschon the trip, I learn much. I am encouraged everyday to keep going into the OR. I am told I found my calling, and I believe it myself. I feel like I am actually doing my part to help the people of Haiti. Walking away from Haiti I discovered what I want to do with my life---for that I am thankful.

With the joy of everyday there also comes heartache. In our week of being in Haiti we lose three beautiful babies. This for me was hands down the hardest thing I deal with.  For me, after the third one I am ready to go home. I learn that night our culture is nothing like theirs. Sabine names the third baby David , because he is a fighter. We both work on getting him clean and bundled up. There are four of us on staff that hold David and show him love before he takes his last breath of his short, little life. After my turn, I go to the roof top, my favorite place at the mission, and cry harder then I have yet on this trip. All I want to do is go home and hold my two amazing kids.

So many emotions run through me when I think about Haiti,  it's  hard for me to put into words. All I can really say is that I will never forget their faces and the way that they have changed my life.

I have never seen so many thankful, gracious people in my life... Coming home is the hardest part of the whole trip. Back to selfishness, ungratefulness, and people that take the smallest things in life for granted everyday. I'm not saying I am perfect or that I don't act this way myself, but my eyes are open now.  Haiti has forever changed me,and my outlook on life itself! And for that, thank you, Haiti. Until next time.

Nichole